Embracing Healing and Moving Forward: The Symbolism of a Yellow Gift Bag

A yellow gift bag sits on the desk in my office. An office I scarcely use or even enter. Why? Because a yellow gift bag sits on the desk. I’ve found other places, happier places, to work, to write, to pay bills, to live my life.

The yellow gift bag is a gift I never wanted or desired. It’s been sitting there for months. When I actually go into my office, I say hello to it or do my best to ignore it. It just sits there. Of course, it’s never going to answer back. It’s an inanimate object. Or, is it? As gift bags go, it’s about medium size. Not small, not huge, just medium, in the middle of size, a brightly vibrant yellow. It has its own energy with color as inanimate objects go. While medium in size, it is huge in emotional meaning. So, I continue to greet it or ignore it and leave it sitting in the same place it has occupied for over a year.

My office is well appointed as a home office, a nice size with a large window. It does have a bit of an abandoned quality now. It used to be shared and now it’s a collection of untouched things left by the previous co-occupant and random things I’ve stored there. I talk of having movers empty the office and make it a more girly space to my aesthetic. It’s my office alone now. The idea seems good when I think about it. It could do with a total refresh. Vibrant paint, new flooring, sparkly drapes, joyful artwork would revitalize it and be a much better representation of me. I’ve even discussed it with enthusiasm with family and friends. Yet, something inside me keeps me from actually moving forward with it. Oh, right, it’s the yellow gift bag that sits on the desk in the office.

I shared that office with my late husband. His work bag and things are sitting in the same spot where he left them. There’s probably still hard candy, a now moldy protein bar and acorns at the bottom of his work bag. Lots and lots of acorns. Why acorns? He fancied himself a type of Johnny Appleseed with acorns. He picked them up wherever his work took him and loved to throw them out in empty fields or in my flower pots. A few have grown into small trees that are ready to plant somewhere to grow into future shade. I recently found a basket full of acorns with his things. It would rival any acorn horde of an ambitious squirrel. I admit to weeping and laughing over that basket of acorns.

I am moving on and creating a new life for myself. After a tumultuous few years, some people long to get their old life back. That’s living in the past. I’ve said goodbye to what could be, what has been and welcome the new exciting life that is manifesting for me. It’s my turn now. Part of that is doing the heavy lifting required to move that yellow gift bag that sits on the desk in my office. It contains the weight of a lifetime well lived, decades of memories, laughter, love…so much love, and the surprisingly heavy ashes of that wonderful man. Ironically, a man who was so color blind that bright yellows and blues were the only colors he could see. I didn’t ask them to put him in a bright yellow gift bag. He’d laugh at the humor of it. He loved to laugh and do things that made me laugh. What is the measure of a life well lived? It’s certainly not represented in a yellow gift bag that sits on a desk in an office. That’s something to ponder on another day.

So, I’ll think of him, cry a bit, laugh a bit and move forward as I make that space my own to express who I am, my reinspired creativity and do my best to shine my light because I know I have the courage and strength to move the yellow gift bag that sits on a desk in my office.

Blessings of memories of those we love,

Love, Joanie🩷